Negotiation is like a tango - know yourself

When selling / negotiating, and in many materials available to get better at it, one aspect is commonly forgotten: it takes two to tango. 

Here I can resist the temptation to share an extract of The Blacklist (Season 2). While the protagonists are on a case, they go out for dinner, and Red, the main character, starts to explain why negotiation is like a tango: 

“Awww, a Russian Milonga. Watch closely Lizzie, everything you need to know about negotiation is there in the Tango Milonga. On the outside they are opponents, each has something the other wants. They size one another up, assessing risk, setting boundaries, challenging each other to breach them. 

A sensuous battle, violence and sex, balanced on the blade of a knife. Nothing given when it’s not earned, nothing taken when it’s not given. This is the pure essence of negotiation. Not a poker game, but a Milonga. A tango. Seduction.”

So yes, it takes two to tango. As much as later on we will cover some tools to better understand the personality of your counterpart (and why you should mind), the forgotten part of the equation is usually YOU. Who are you? 

To make it simple, everything you are being told you should learn about the personality of your customer, or the person you are facing in whatever game you are playing, you should know about yourself. And maybe more.

You should know your strengths and weaknesses, what resonates with you and what does not. The better you know yourself, the better equipped you will be. And why is that? 

Because if (when) you are facing a professional buyer, he/she/they will try to read you. Every book you might have read or video you have watched to get better at your game, they most probably did the same. Any book about negotiation can be read by both a seller and a buyer: they are playing the same game, just sitting on the opposite side of the table with different KPI. 

By the way it is pretty much what this scene in “Top Gun: Maverick” is all about when Maverick throw the flight manual into the trash bin. (For once no spoiler: watch the movie).

Learning about yourself will allow you to know your “baseline”. And when negotiation starts to be rough, stressful, you will be able to sense when you are being pushed out of it. 

I invite you to read Lisa Ryan (@lisarya) article “What Does It Mean That Elizabeth Holmes Doesn’t Blink? on the topic. Here is an extract for you.

“What you have to do is to monitor your baseline. You need to make sure that you standardize your behaviors as much as possible, so that people don’t see you deviating in certain situations”

So start your homework and embrace a very interesting journey: the discovery of yourself. 

#TheBlackList #Tango Clip